Sparrow

God gave me a nickname last week. It may sound strange, or unbelievable, and I promise you, I think it is just as odd as you. As I read a book in the moonlight a woman was describing how God gave her a special name, and how she couldn't believe he had done that, but that he gives us all names. Though I thought this sweet, and could even think of many Scriptures where God gives new names to his people, I shrugged it off. Then I looked out into the lake, covered in moonshine and listening to the fishes swim under the shadows cast from the light, and heard my name. Sparrow. It was said just as clear as if someone had called my name from within the house, beckoning me inside. 


And then I lit up, as bright and shiny as the moon was. Glowing from the inside out, I knew this was my name. I had, and have felt in the past several months unimportant, small. I have clung to these words, holding them dearly and cherishing my smallness, my contribution to the world absolutely teeny. And yet... God sees us all with importance. He holds us all at the highest value, and has paid the most expensive cost. This is why his justice is so good, so right. He has leveled and equaled, he has risen up those who are poor, and lowered those of worldly importance. 


Why Sparrow? Matthew 10:29-31 ... Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 


Sparrows are a common bird, simple, plain; nothing exceptional or notable about them. I imagine Matthew uses the sparrow as an example because they are such a run-of-the-mill breed. Everyone will know what a sparrow is, and why would God care for such a creature? One he made without bright color of feather, exceptional voice or speed? Oh, He cares. He cares for all of his beloved creation that glorifies him simply by being. And this is what the God of this world said to me: Simply Be. Just as I care for the sparrow, know its whereabouts and its flying routes, I know your hairs (even the ones you shave and pluck...), I know your name, and you are worth more than even those sparrows I care for, much more.


Don't be afraid. You're my Sparrow. 


I remember wanting to fly from an early age, songs about flying always caught my attention and I would sometimes wonder if it was possible to fly. As I grew older, I still loved the thought of flying, and thought maybe it meant something about who I'd be in life or what I would do. Some of the lyrics from a John Mayer song I listened to over and over in high school go like this: 


Yes, I'm grounded Got my wings clipped. I'm surrounded (by) All this pavement, Guess I'll circle While I'm waiting For my fuse to dry. Someday I'll fly, Someday I'll soar, Someday I'll be so damn much more, Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for. Why is it not my time? What is there more to learn? Shed this skin I've been tripping in, Never to quite return.


Maybe I won't fly til heaven, if that's something we do up there. Inside I have always known that I am more than the sum of anything I do here on earth, or anything anyone tells me I am or am not. I'm only, and always, God's Sparrow. And he wants me to be, he wants me to build my nest, and gather food, do my part in this world, live how I was created to live. Just as he has made us all. We're all cared for, all loved for our hearts, for our being, we worship God by living, by acknowledging we have an image we're made in; His.


God gave me this name because more often than I'd like to admit, I am afraid. Afraid of living the wrong way, or just not knowing how to do it exactly right. Afraid I'm missing something. Afraid of the future. The sparrow isn't anxious, isn't worried about tomorrow. He is taken under the great protection of a Great God. So am I, So am I.