"I gave you all"

"Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart." Matthew 11:29

I have a dilemma. As I started this blog, I had begun to pray a prayer of humility. My times with God, my thoughts, my prayers were often, almost daily, lifted up to this subject. In fact, as I prayed it, as I let it sink in and meld with my life, I realized this was it. This was key to who we are as followers of the Way of Jesus. That is who he came to be, who God sent him as, why the Jews were so disappointed with him, why he died on a cross, why he sacrificed everything.

Humility.

"I had long known the Lord without realizing that meekness and lowliness of heart are to be the distinguishing feature of the disciple, just as they were of the Master."
Humility- Andrew Murray p. 18

Side note: If I were to write a book, I would want to write this book (there are a few others in this category, too...) It is so important, a really crucial book to all people.

Humility is so counter-cultural to Western thought. Humility says "put yourself last", "become unnoticed, unimportant", "serve others before yourself."

So, I'm on board with this. Totally. God can use me or not. I will try to live a quiet, unsuspecting life. If He chooses to work through me, glory to Him alone.

As we throw birthday parties, have huge meals in our dining room and intimate gatherings in our living room - a motley crew of guests that I couldn't adore more - I find myself completely satisfied to sit quietly and listen, to blend, to become... unimportant.

Though nothing is wrong with this at all, there is also a level of leadership demanded in these situations. Leadership created by responsibilities, because I am an intern, because this is a non-profit desiring to train up other leaders in the community.

Turns out, I'm not too good at this. There is some sort of balance that I am far from figuring out, because I know that Jesus was absolutely a leader. Not in the typical model we think of, not at all. Yet people followed. I believe it was because of his humility. Because of his voluntary displacement. Because of his love.

I'll continue to pray for humility, and I think God will work out the rest. Eventually, in years and years (and years) from now, I'll look back and think "I'm a little bit closer than I was."

Jesus pleads my case, and has covered me and you always. God sees us through him, through his perfect humility, perfect strength, and perfect leadership. What's mine isn't mine in the first place, and so what I have is enough. Amen.