Monday, January 17, 2011

Love, Continued

I apologize for leaving my post so abruptly (not that anyone is really hanging on my words, here, thankfully). I'm afraid I might not have explained well enough that I'm really not upset with myself for having "loved." So though it may seem I am angry at my past, I am not, my past experiences have brought me to where I am now. Discovering truth and asking questions. That is really all I am doing here. In fact, almost every challenging thought I have, questions I ask, and real truth I have come to has been because I once did something dumb. I screwed up, and God used my weakness. I laugh a little when I'm told I have wisdom, for my wisdom has only come through much folly. And maybe it must be so. Anything I have now, comes from the Spirit inside of me. Given to me, by grace, my strength is not my own.

And now before me is the question, what then, does love look like in a relationship? In a marriage? I have seen, at least lived out in my own life, very few healthy marriages. And I can not help but think that this generation and the last were fed the love of feelings, and it has bred divorce. How can a marriage last when it was founded on something that has no truth? Even if that was not the only foundation laid, if it was there, and then is not there someday - people will wonder, where's the love?

My interest in this topic has come because I did find out the truth, and now I'm left wanting more. I never was a hopeless romantic, at least I don't think, and I'm not concerned about "finding love" in my future. I suppose I wonder what it would look like if I do come across it, because the only thing I know is it will be like something I have never experienced before. And not in that romantic comedy kind-of-way, but in a God way. I can't even describe it. I'd like to hear a real love story someday, I know they are out there. And I know Taylor Swift isn't singing about them.


Donna Boucher said...

I think of how Keith took care of Sue. He loved her so well.

And now, I am off the wipe away my tears.

Nate said...

I don't know you at all, but those are my thoughts exactly. I too have had to figure out the lie of this love "feeling" to finally realize the truth. God is love. If people don't have God in their marriages (or their lives at all), it's easy to see why they get to a point when they wonder where the love is. Terribly sad, isn't it?

mama, ph.d. said...

True story: My husband and I were having real issues in the first year of our marriage. Deep issues that had the power to tear us apart. We realized we had little in common. All we had was "love" (whatever that meant). Then he got sick...really sick. Life changing sick. In bed for 6 months sick, in and out of hospitals. Then he got better. Our marriage is different now. We realize that we love and respect one another. And that's really all that is needed. Marriage is a spiritual journey. Love becomes the same. And it's always better to have loved (or liked deeply) and lost, then never to have loved at all. There is something to say about putting your heart on the line (yeah...I know about getting it crushed too :)

Anonymous said...

my pastor taught me:

love is a decision to be primarily concerned about the state of the beloved, regardless of their response and irrespective of their condition.

i have been loved like this in marrying my best friend. never kissed until the day we got engaged. best friends until then.... didn't intend to do it that way, but we did, and it was ..... BETTER. for us, anyway. less baggage, more honesty. less 'some enchanted evening', more 'what is Christ calling us to - together?' I am grateful. and i am learning.

first year of marriage was hard as I realized that the culture had impacted my expectations of what marriage 'should' look like. once i got over myself and realized that life is NOT an episode of Friends, [what can i say? it was the late 90's.] we got on with it. Quite swimmingly. :)

Emma said...

I need more stories like this, we all need more stories like this. Not to make us sad that love isn't what we think it is but to realize all that it really can be. Everyone's story is different, beautiful, hard, and most of all REAL.

Beth said...

My grandparents were married for 57 years before my grandad passed away. He called her "Good Buddy" every day of their life together. They had 7 beautiful children and 21 grandchildren. They worked hard all the time, not only providing for their large family, but for their church, as well. When he was dying, our oldest baby was only 6 months old...their first great-grandchild. All the people in the family took their turns going in and saying goodbye (God bless hospice-care!). When my husband and our son and I went in, Grandad told us, "You think you love that baby boy more than anything else right now. My Good Buddy and I thought the same thing. But always, ALWAYS remember that you loved each other first. That's the way you stay married for 57 years. Love each other first." We'll celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary this June and are just about to welcome Baby #4. Sometimes, it's hard to follow that advice. But it's always there. And it's always true.

Lady Modesty said...

Your wisdom comes by doing. By doing we learn.

My daughter believes love is a sacrifice. I'm not sure if I agree with her but you definitely have to make sacrifices when you are in a relationship/marriage. This is accomplished by putting God first.

When I was sixteen, I was adamant about not getting married nor having any children. I had plans to move to the city and study to be an architect, living the single life. A year later I met my husband. We have been together now going on twenty years and have nine children.

What happened? What changed my mind? Why am I here and not there? God. His will, not mine.

In the beginning I was reluctant to do this but place God first in your relationship/marriage (yes, this means above your partner) and you can have that "happily ever after."

There is also another way. If you are not familiar, this may come across as sounding odd yet to find the perfect spouse, one can become a bride of Christ. God is the ending to your romantic comedy because above all, God loves you more than anyone. God is love.

What does love look like in a marriage? God.

shelby said...

i don't have any deep stories about love but i know that it came for me very quickly. actually i was driving home from and all of the sudden just said "oh my gosh i love him" i was so baffled that i actually sat and a green light and got honked at.

i know that love looks different in every relationship. sometimes you see 2 people and you think how can they be a good match. but love is sometimes the stuff you don't see from people. the sweet things they do for each other when nobodys around. the way you look at somebody and you see their heart.

but love and marriage don't always go hand in hand and yes sometimes it goes away. most people don't marry the first person they love. marriage is work, duh. people are lazy. there are going to be hard times, every day is different. i like to think that the person i marry will make the hard days a little better. sometimes patrick drives me up the wall (lots of days) and there are things we both do that the other can't stand but when i'm apart from him i still miss him.

(sorry to gross you out i know it's probably weird to hear about your brother)

(i've always been a mushy hopeless romantic.)

Emma said...

Lady M - it does not sound strange at all, I absolutely love reflecting on Song of Solomon, and knowing that I already have the perfect relationship, the perfect Bridegroom.

Shelby - you are not creeping me out. I like the phrase you used "see their heart", because there is something about another person that you care for that others don't see. And when love and marriage don't always go together, or when the "love" doesn't last, that is when commitment begins, I suppose. Hmmm. Interesting.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

Life with Kaishon said...

I loved reading those stories in the comments as well. Love is very beautiful. Marriage has been hard for me. It surprised me with its level of difficulty. I need to look at it through a God filter. Thank you for reminding me today.

Post a Comment