Thursday, February 21, 2019

Living Slow

I find it funny as I go back now and read my last post almost three years ago that it was vaguely on reclaiming the concept of "living slow" and growth in myself. Now that I live in Missouri, and have almost completely detoxed from city living, I can guarantee I was never "living slow" in Chicago. Though I may not have been the busiest of my friends, that is not saying much, as I spent on average 5/7 nights active and social. I served, constantly. If I wasn't working at my social worker job, which I loved, I was helping at my church, a non profit event, hanging around people who were planning something like that, I was involved, My God, I was not living slow. I'm sure there are people who relax into a slow, family life in big cities, but it is not as easy; you have to muster up courage just to get out the door, and once you're out - there is so much to do and see. That energy they describe, particularly in New York, is not made up.

Maybe it's just who I am. I loved Chicago. Still do. We would have moved to Chicago. But my sweet step-daughter keeps us rooted in Missouri. And after almost a year, I've adjusted to Missouri. I've heard stories from a few people here that had children move to the city, live for 6 months, and move immediately back. The first 6 months are rocky....and then it gets better. If something is not keeping you there, you might not make it. Transitions are hard. Spring time will be lovely here.

One thing that has become very clear in the past month is that when I first got here, I had had so many goodbyes to say, including some goodbyes to myself, that it was achingly hard to say hello to the beautiful life that I was entering. I knew I had a beautiful life before me, but my heart grieved. Honestly, something that has helped me shape this story into reality and heal me (besides allowing Jesus to permeate my daily life) is watching the show Call the Midwife the past month. It's like I needed some sisters, some women to help me along the journey here with me, and the show is full of them, my soul sisters, women just like me, living out a calling I know very well. Each episode full of love, faith, loss, marriage, pain, birth, truth, friendship. Almost every episode lets you know "life hurts, but it's full of love, and you can bear it, with faith". And I needed that. I needed to see women doing that, because women are amazing (not that men aren't...) but I miss the women in my life. So, Call the Midwife comforts me and shows me the way, it's the  voice I needed to hear, to guide me back to who I am here.

To all the women who have ever meant something to me, I cherish you.

I am truly living slowly here in Missouri.  I am truly growing. (slowly).

I am watching too much Call the Midwife.

Love, Emma


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