I'm about to transition into a new part of my life. This transition has naturally been happening, by the grace of God, all year. He has eased me out of my last semester of college and into full-time ministry. As I finish classes, I'll move in to my new neighborhood. I have a place, I have a plan. But it wasn't my plan. Oh no, it was not.
I didn't fully realize the journey (yes, I'm using the word journey. It HAS been a journey) God was taking me on a year and a half ago when I ended a very long, very destructive relationship. Since then I have been brought to my knees in surrender and submittance. I didn't want so many things that have happened in the past year to have happened. But they did. And as God told me and told me where He was taking me, I have had to fight to stay focused. With desperation and sometimes exasperation I have questioned WHY God?
Finally single for the first time in years, I was approached by an absurd amount of people interested in me. Flattered, to be sure, but a relationship would have been an absoutely terrible choice. I'm not just saying that. I really mean it. Great men, nice guys who probably would have treated me well. And some are now treating their new girlfriends well. I'm genuinely happy. This is an area of my life that I have "put on hold." Now, I'm not sure what that means - well, actually, I know exactly what it means. I'll be honest. Unless I end up completely in love with someone who is commited to living like Christ that I need to be with him to be MORE like Christ, I don't see anything happening. That's OK. That's where I'm at. Anyway, for now, I say "No, no, thank you, but no."
See? Not my plan. This was not my plan.
God has also been teaching me a fun lesson this semester by offering me job after job...after job. Meanwhile, He has been preparing my heart and mind for nine months to go into full-time mission work. Unpaid. Yes, I want to work full-time and not get paid anything. This is my choice. And while the job offers roll in that would "fit" and are a "great opportunity", I say "No, no, thank you, but no."
Not my plan. Definitely not my plan.
My only plan is to humbly submit everyday. To offer Him everything. Even the things I think are wrong for me. Maybe He does want to switch the plan up. All I know is that Christ carried the cross, and I have the privilege to bear it up also. So I say "yes, yes, thank you, yes."
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2 comments:
Love.
I am so excited for you Emma. After I was done college I did something similar. I went to work in a housing project in Washington DC. I did get paid 10k for the year of teaching though, so I was not a volunteer. All of my friends would say, 'Don't you want a real job? Don't you want to earn a decent salary?' and I would say that being there was what God wanted that year. It definitely helped me grow.
May God bless you as you serve Him in the city next year.
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