Monday, February 21, 2011

Dying to Self.

This has been a resounding theme in my life the past six months. Dying to self. When you commit yourself to something, and when you pray it over and over, God hears. And He answers. Six months ago, I chose humbleness. Why on earth did I do such a thing? Since then I've had to realize that I can't be selfish in life. Not even the littlest bit. I go hear and read this all the time:

I decided that, although I've been reading and memorizing it for the past few months, I am going to take it apart. Sentence by sentence. And really deconstruct what each one means. Some will overlap, some I've already experienced more than others. But it has been slightly overwhelming to try to apply this entire prayer. I think I need to take it slow. Let it sink in. Even more than it has.

Deliver me, Jesus:

"From the desire of being esteemed"

Honored, respected, prized.

I used to be more of a people pleaser than I am. I still am, sometimes. Not nearly as much as I used to be. There are still times when I do things to please others. Soley and shamelessly. I write an excellent paper or speech, or do my job particularly well, and then smile and say "esteem me for this!" To be humbled, however, means doing without ever receiving praise. Oh, trust me, we will all still receive it. We just shouldn't expect or require the honor of men.

One thing I will probably say over and over is that what we do in the eyes' of the world very well will not matter. Sometimes the eyes' of the world will notice, indeed, but these are not the eyes we care for. I seek the honor God gave to Ruth and Esther, Sarah and Rebekah. God does respect, honor and esteem the humble.


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